Ogbúnàbàlị̀

“Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.”

— Haruki Murakami

No one likes to talk about the inevitable, Death.

In my opinion, there are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with a marketer that doesn’t get that you aren’t interested? Now that’s something I don’t wish anyone should go through.

So occasionally, I actually find myself thinking about how I would love to pass on in the most non-violent way. If I had my way, I would opt to be taken in chariots of fire but they don’t sell such tickets anymore and we are now left with very horrible options.

Anyways, I would love more than anything to have a meeting with Ogbúnàbàlị̀ the Igbo god of death, to discuss some death options I want crossed out from my name.

So, here is the list of death options I want crossed off my table:

1. Death by Asphyxiation: I don’t want any form of this; drowning, strangulation, suffocation, etc. I am not interested, I want it crossed out.

2. Accidents: I would love to have my body intact so this is not going to work for me.

3. Being Beaten to Death: This is very painful to experience, I don’t want to die such a horrible death.

4. Blunt force trauma to the head: This is instant and not that bad a death, but nope I don’t want it.

5. Cardiac Arrest: This is so terrifying especially if it happens when I am alone. I want this crossed out.

6. Stabbing/Knife Injuries: This is a bloody death, who will clean all that blood off the floor? I don’t want to stress anyone so I want this crossed out.

7. Gunshots & Explosives: This is too violent so I want it cancelled.

8. Death by poison: It’s too painful.😭 I dont want it.

9. Suicide: I want this crossed out with immediate effect, it’s non-negotiable.

10. Terminal Illness: If nothing else is crossed, I really want this one erased. I don’t want to go this way.

11. Being burnt alive: no no no no no no no🙅

12. Being eaten alive: I want this cancelled!

I don’t want to experience any of these death options so we are left with “Dying from old age” which looks fine to me.

Have you ever thought about the kind of death you want? Or am I the only one in this?

Let me hear from you in the comment section.