My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life doesn’t have to come last.– Anonymous
This is what the Almighty LORD says: I will search for my sheep myself, and I will look after them.
— Ezekiel 34: 11
It’s a little bit difficult writing about this because I can’t find the right words. For years I have battled with trying to be a good Christian. It has been a one step forward, three steps backward kind of situation.
I was experiencing a lot of…what is it called? “relapses” and I felt really ashamed and guilty as a person but most importantly as a child of God. I never doubted God existed, I knew he did but it was still hard.
I was conflicted in my spirit because I just wanted to do things my way and on my terms because of life pressures and just everything, as a result, I drifted farther away from the source of my salvation.
One minute I was so interested in the kingdom of God and doing everything right and the next thing I go into another relapse. I was like the parable of the seed that Jesus talked about that fell on rocky grounds.
“The one on whom seed was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and at once welcomes it with joy; yet he has no [substantial] root in himself but is only temporary, and when pressure or persecution comes because of the word, immediately he stumbles and falls away [abandoning the One who is the source of salvation].”
— Matthew 13:20-21 (AMP)
But no matter how far I went, He just won’t stop showing up, He just won’t stop extending his mighty hand and telling me to come home, He just won’t stop extending his Loving-kindness and telling me He won’t stop being my Father.
After much running, I am finally back and ready to start this journey with my loving Father. The truth is recovery didn’t open the gates of Heaven and let me in. Recovery opened the gates of hell and let me out.
To anyone out there who wants to come back home to Christ but doesn’t know how I am not telling you it’s going to easy, I am telling you it’s going to be worth it.
So, I am sitting in this spiritual program and I am reintroducing myself:
Hi, my name is Gloria and I am a recovering delinquent.
I Am Not Defined By My Relapses, But By My Decision To Remain In Recovery Despite Them.
Thank you to everyone that has inspired me on this journey. Feel free to share Christian resources (articles, books, blogs, Bible plans, scriptures etc.), your personal Christian journey and experiences with me.💜